


I’ll Be The Man (500 Miles)

by theIronStark3000



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Has Cancer [7]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF CT-7567 | Rex, Cancer, Hair, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Protective Ahsoka Tano, Sad CT-7567 | Rex, Team as Family, The Vod Love Obi-Wan, Worried CC-2224 | Cody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Obi-Wan’s hair begins to fall out.
Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Has Cancer [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890157
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	I’ll Be The Man (500 Miles)

Within six weeks of completing his first round of chemotherapy and radiation, Obi-Wan’s hair began to fall out. Cody had tried to be discreet, picking up clumps of hair out of their shower and bed. He refrained from running his hands through Obi-Wan’s short, frail hair.

Obi-Wan left behind clumps of hair everywhere. His clothes. The Negotiator. Bed. Shower. It was getting itchy, and Kenobi’s scalp felt very sensitive after chemo. He finally decided he was sick of his hair. It was a bittersweet decision to buzz his head. A sign that Obi-Wan was indeed sick, and things were changing. 

Anakin absolutely hated it, avoiding looking or even being around Obi-Wan. His master’s physical weariness, weight loss, and balding meant this wasn’t a bad dream they could wake up from. HIs mood had been unpredictable, and several troopers had bared the brunt of his anger. Ahsoka nor Rex could pull him out of his funk. It wasn't like they could ask Obi-Wan to step in at the moment. 

  
When Waxer and Boil made a comment about wanting to help their General, Ashoka suggested knitting. She recruited the 212th and 501st for a knitting project. They would make Obi-Wan soft, warm things to wear. He was always cold, and would need all the beanies.

Ever since Kix’s breakdown in the mess, the Vod seemed to cease their gossiping. They were genuinely concerned for their General, and trying to find ways to help.   
  


It was no secret to Obi-Wan. He noticed troopers bringing him cups of tea, an extra blanket, retrieving his glasses, and carrying his meal trays. The Vod were protective of him. 

Morale while still down, seemed to improve as the troops saw their General up and about. There was much relief among the Vod to know their General felt okay enough to work.   
  


Obi-Wan, most days of the week was tired, but okay. He was sick as a dog at least two of the seven week days. He only locked himself in his quarters on the really bad days.   
  


Given the state of his hair, Obi-Wan decided to ask Rex if he’d be willing to cut his hair. Kenobi thought a public ceremony in which the troops observed a hair cutting ritual might help them all mourn and acknowledge this moment. Rex and Cody agreed it was a good idea.

They gathered in a common space. Rex was a little nervous as he held the electric razor. Obi-Wan tried to keep things light hearted and moving alone. 

He took his silk robe and handed it to Cody. It was rare to see Obi-Wan outside of his Jedi robes and cloak. By nature, Kenobi was an incredibly private person. While he was incredibly flirtious, Kenobi was gun shy about his body being on displayed.

It meant allowing his scaring to be visible, a vulnerable he does not often express so publicly. Anakin's jaw tightened angrily as he took into account the scaring from injuries, illness, and missions alike. 

"Are you ready, General?

"Yes, Rex. It is time for a shave." 

Cody watched as Obi-Wan graced them with a stoic-smoldering look: jaw set, eyes ablaze with determination. A sort of spirt-fire stubbornness often followed him on the battle field.

The commander had associated that particular look with General Kenobi giving the Seppies absolute hell. To see it again in a different context made him consider that perhaps that look was all Obi-Wan, not the General who he played like a role, a mask to hide behind. 

Rex began, stopping at different lengths to style Obi-Wan's hair. They wanted this to not just be a sad moment. One could laugh, and still be sad. Waxer personally thought the mohawk was very nice on General Kenobi

Ahsoka captured several amazing photos of Obi-Wan laughing, and talking to the Vod. Thankfully, Cody had already helped the General with his beard. Obi-Wan's clean shaven face was shocking enough. 

He looked years younger without the beard, having been mistaken as a Senior Padawan or Knight several times. Obi-Wan found his hands were too shaky now to cut his hair or shave. It required others to help him. Kenobi was a good sport about playing along, making fun, and sitting still for Rex.

The war had weighed so heavily on him lately, he forget he could be light hearted and fun. Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi had always had a great sense of humor and made his friends laugh. Things changed after Qui-Gon died, he got diagnosed with cancer, and found him raising a child. Obi-Wan grew up very quickly after those experiences. 

"Are you to see the final look?", Rex asked nervously. 

"I'm sure I'll look dashing.", Obi-Wan gave Rex a reassuring smile. 

Cody held the mirror for Obi-Wan to see himself, to really see himself. The Jedi Master began to rubbing his face and head, it felt different to be hairless. The smile on his face quickly disappeared, he was quiet, solemn and serious. Obi-Wan knew that he looked sick. It is one thing to know you are sick, to feel sick. But to _look_ sick means grappling with a new reality that your outside matches the inside. 

His fingers traced the scars on his neck where he had surgery only weeks ago. There is still a solid, lump underneath his skin. They couldn't remove it without risking damaging his vocal cords. It is an reminded of the cancerous presence that lives in his body.

It takes a very deep breath, and a few swallowed tears to settle his feelings. Sometimes, it feels easier to fight the Sith and the Seppies than his own body. 

You can't win against cancer. There is no battle to be won, no war to outrun. It's not something you can stubborn your way out of. It doesn't matter how strong you think you are. Obi-Wan knows this. When he looks in the mirror, Obi-Wan does not see the General.

He does not see a capable, wise, compassionate Jedi Master. He sees a very sick man, one who is clinging to life. 

His fingers ghost of the mirror, everyone is holding their breath. Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying to release his overwhelming feeling in the Force.

He opens them when he has achieved focus again. Kenobi is ever the diplomat, looking to Rex with a soft, sad smile on his face. 

"Thank you Rex. I was sick of being itchy."

"You're welcome, Sir. D-do you like it?" 

"I think I look rather handsome." 

Cody hands Obi-Wan his bathroom robe back, and he quietly slips back into it mouthing a quiet thank you.   
  


Obi-Wan rests his head against his Commander‘s shoulder, letting himself be guided to a seated position. He accepted a cup of water and the forehead kiss.   
  


He took time to talk with each Vod who had a concern, offering reassurance and kindness. Cody gave them privacy watching Obi-Wan talk with Longshot, GearShift and Wooley

Obi-Wan had made himself more accessible to the Vod. Anyone who has questions can come directly to him, Cody or their squadron leaders. Kix also has been given permission to report weekly on Obi-Wan’s health. 

Anakin who had been on the edge of the gathering finally came closer, sitting with Cody, Rex and Ashoka.   
  


“Hi, you decided to join finally, Skyguy.”

“I guess.“

”You okay?”, Rex asked Anakin.

”Not really.”, Anakin frowns.

“Obi-Wan misses you.”, Ashoka whispered.

Anakin makes a startled sound, “I-I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” He sighed.

”You know how Grandmaster is. Poor guy might be hurting, but he’s too afraid to bled on anyone.”

”I’ll talk to him.”, Anakin exhales shakily.   
  


  
“Good. He needs you, Master.”

”Seeing him sick dredged up some memories, and I just froze, you know?”

”I do understand why this might be especially difficult for you.”, Rex affirmed.

Anakin waited his turn in line to speak with Obi-Wan. He still carried so much anger and fear. He resented the Force. Again. Why should anyone died? Why haven’t the Jedi found a way to use the Force for its true potential? To conquer death, disease and suffering.   
  


Obi-Wan’s eyes flickered up to meet Anakin. He concealed his frown. He had felt such darkness within Anakin as of late.   
  


“Hi.”, Anakin said shly, struggling to look Obi-Wan in the face.   
  


These days Obi-Wan gave affection and touch more freely. He knew how important a hug could be. There was no longer any point in hiding how you feel when you might be living on borrowed time. All things needed to be said, not knowing if there would be another time to say them.   
  


“Padawan-mine, look at me.” Obi-Wan said gently, cupping Anakin’s face.   
  


Anakin blinked away tears, moving his head to look down at Obi-Wan. He let himself see him, to really _see_ him.   
  


Unlike Obi-Wan, he does not _just_ see a sick person. He sees someone who in the face of infinite sadness smiles. Perhaps Obi-Wan is among one of the best examples what a Jedi should embody.

Obi-Wan turns his pain and suffering into compassion. Anakin was wrong to think he is cold and closed off. No. Someone has hurt Obi-Wan, he guards himself, afraid of rejection and loss. Yet Obi-Wan in many ways still gives freely of himself to others. 

Anakin feels awful with words in the presence of the great Negotiator. Passion and emotions have been his form of self-expression. He opens his bond to let Obi-Wan feel the love-concern-care he feels.   
  


Unexpectedly, Anakin hears Obi-Wan make a startled sound , and suddenly arms around his waist. Obi-Wan hugs Anakin tightly, pressing his head against his padawan’s chest.   
  


Anakin is equally startled feeling Obi-Wan’s love-affection-care are just as strongly. He blinks another tear. This whole time they’ve struggled to say I love you while feeling these intense emotions.   
  


“I know you are scared, Anakin. You have many doubts and question.”, Obi-Wan murmured.

”I-I don’t understand why you have go through Hell again. It doesn’t seem fair!”

”Oh, Anakin.”, Obi-Wan gave him a soft, sad smile.

”I don’t want you to die, Obi-Wan.”, Anakin’s voice broke.

”There is no death, there is force.”

”The code has never brought me much comfort.”, Anakin admits.

”Shhh. I’m not dying today.”, Obi-Wan reassured, holding Anakin.

”I’m sorry I was being an idiot for so long. I think I was just scared of losing you.”

”Forgive Anakin. I’m sorry for lying to you.”

”No more secrets?”

”No more secrets.”, Obi-Wan agreed.   
  


“I forgive you, too.”  
  


It was not going to be easy, but Anakin would remain at Obi-Wan’s side come what may. They’ve been through enough, the team is not giving up yet. 


End file.
